No PDA, You’re In My Way

You can’t escape from it. You’re trapped. Everywhere you look, it’s there, haunting you.

Its presence is repulsive.

You might have thought I was describing a monster from Ghostbusters or something, but I was actually talking about student PDA.

Sound about right?

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I thought it was only fitting to address my view on student PDA, a topic that boils my blood. I hate it with a burning passion.

Let’s first set the record straight: it’s not because I’m single, though.

If I see a couple hugging or being flirtatious with each other, I don’t say, “Wow, I wish I had someone to fill that sad, lonely void in my soul” and then cry myself to sleep because I have no one to cuddle with.

If you’re in a relationship, congrats. I’m happy for you.

But the PDA at school needs to chill. Simply put, it’s obnoxious and uncomfortable.

A while ago, my friend was recalling a terrifying PDA performance she encountered.

She was running a little late to art class one day. As the bell was close to dinging, fewer and fewer people were crowding the hallways, so it was inevitable for her to witness this: two students practically swallowing each other whole.

Oh, the discomfort she must have endured.

Sophomore Emma Paskins said she was afflicted with a similar experience.

Each time she left her AP World History class, she was forced to watch a couple put on an extremely (and I mean extremely) inappropriate smooch fest.

Save some room for Jesus and oxygen, am I right?

“Luckily, they broke up,” Paskins said of the students.

Truly, the snogging needs to stop. I don’t want to see you and bae all over each other locking lips. It makes me writhe inside. And I know there are plenty of others who don’t want to see it, either.

“I think it’s just plain nasty,” said senior Ansley Whitson.

Student PDA is bad enough with everything it entails: the kissing, the cuddling, the tickling, the malapropos everything. But, add the fact that couples choose to exhibit PDA at the most inconvenient places and you’ve taken annoying to a whole other level.

Let me explain.

A very popular spot couples seem to be obsessed with are the bottoms of the staircases. They’ll just walk right up to it, halt and gaze into each other’s eyes. Then the PDA commences.

And you know what else commences? Traffic. Because you and your boo-thing are in everyone’s way, the rest of us can’t reach the next place we need to be. It’s inconsiderate.

Another friend of mine was telling me the same instance had happened to her, too. She couldn’t get past a couple at the stairwell and certainly couldn’t ask for them to move. It’s uncomfortable. Also, she’d get disgusted faces from the pair in return.

But one brave soul just plowed right through them. To whomever that was, I applaud you.

There’s one more location I’m aware of where students enjoy displaying PDA: the vending machine.

I’m genuinely discombobulated as to why couples want to display their passion at a large, metal rectangular prism that houses junk food. All I know is that it’s stupid and irksome.

“I’ve seen people hug [there] for like, over a minute, like they just sit there,” said sophomore Grace Hampton.

Like, correct me if I’m wrong, but I didn’t buy tickets to a PDA show. I didn’t come here to watch you and bae stand in front of and block the vending machine while being inappropriately affectionate.

I just want a Welch’s Fruit Snacks.

I cannot stress my loathing for student PDA enough.

It simply doesn’t belong in the school environment. That passionate behavior should be kept private between you and your partner.

I know I speak for many when I say student PDA is truly unpleasant to view and it gets on many of our nerves. Please be courteous.

I don’t want to, but I swear, the next time you and your lover are glued together in front of the vending machine, you both will receive a red-hot, brow-furrowing glare.

Don’t even try to separate me from my Welch’s Fruit Snacks. You will regret it.