Bearly Truth: Student Protesters Rally Against Marker Policy

Massive student marches have filled the school’s hallways. Student protesters claim teachers’ markers and waxy crayons have destroyed clothes collectively valued to be worth thousands of dollars.

Waves of students clad in white chanted anti-marker slogans outside Principal Edward Spurka’s office Monday morning. Downstairs, broken desks littered the math hallways and severed waxy-crayons were strewn across the courtyard just outside.  

The school, by all means, has become a war zone.

“My Yeezy Destroyed Wool Sweater got actually destroyed. Like I get it, it’s funny because it was already destroyed but like no it wasn’t,” said freshman Rachel Hoff.

A Yeezy Destroyed Wool Sweater can be purchased for approximately $1200.

Teachers began using markers to sign passes last year.

“I was always suspicious,” said senior Fred Tiller. “The thought of somebody markin’ on my ID never sat quite right with me.”

Administrators didn’t foresee the massive consequences. The thought was simply that writing hall passes on student IDs was going to simplify the process of leaving the classroom.

They also said they thought the policy would reduce paper usage and make hall passes more convenient.

Over 800 students have reported stains on their clothes; some articles cost $20; others cost hundreds.

Some students say they aren’t affected by the policy and that students are only causing chaos with these marches.

“We are marching for awareness. It might not have happened to you, you might not even get it but that’s no reason to be like hateful towards us,” said Hoff.

“They don’t go to the bathroom at school. Some people can’t help going to the bathroom at school.”

One student, junior Mark Wood, wore a white hat with no stains and held a sign that read “Not my Policy.”

Student protesters are wearing white clothes to represent the purity of unstained clothes, as well as the pursuit of peace.

The marches have been coordinated, many occurring at the same time in different places. Students at Milton High School reportedly marched at the same time as Cambridge students.

“We don’t want that dumb policy here. If I get marker on my Patagonia I will freak out,” said Milton sophomore Yuri Puvsky.

Hoff claims the problem is that some students have no need to leave the classroom during the day, so they’ve never been exposed to the materials that have destroyed so many clothes.

Many students like Hoff are protesting peacefully, respectfully asking their teachers if they can use a piece of paper instead of their IDs.

Others, however, have turned to destruction.

A restricted closet in the front office which reportedly contained thousands of waxy crayons was breached last night. Assistant Principal Kim Premoli discovered the breach the following morning.

“It’s ridiculous. We understand there are some frustrations, but the students who did this are violating the law, and they will be found out,” said Premoli.

Principal Edward Spurka is scheduled to deliver a speech regarding the policy soon. SSEs (Spurka Speech Experts) have claimed students can expect to hear about compensation, treaty-talks, and potentially new marker technology designed not to stain clothes.

“These marches — their turnouts are small. They’re small! I know it, you know it, we all know it! And don’t let fake news outlets like The Bear Witness tell you otherwise!” said Spurka.

Some students remain steadfast, though. They claim they won’t rest until the days of the paper and pen notes are back.

“Or just use an actual hall pass. Like my teacher had one of those, you know, the laminated ones that say ‘hallpass?’ What was wrong with those?” said Hoff.